Global IITs

Pakistan has always been quick to follow India, from Nuclear tests to hyper emotional singers at Sa Re Gamma to state of the art educational institutes popularly known as International Institutes of terrorism (IIT).

IITs are pioneering institutes established across the length and breadth of nature's most magnificient landscape - the PoK. Their humble beginning can be traced back to 1965 when ISI wanted to obtain religious copyright over terrorism. At that time, General Ayub Khan, had laid the cornerstone of the first IIT which has ever since multiplied faster than bacterias. Today IITs boast of fully-integrated campuses across middle east, fast perishing alumni, wanted dead or alive faculty and international placements. 

The analysts are in particular impressed with the spectrum of under-graduate, post-graduate and doctoral programs on offer while students love the full time residential aspect of these courses. 'I love the beautiful and serene PoK valley. It gives the desired solitude to rediscover and bomb oneself' says Killall Laden, a second year student specializing in Human Bombing. 'All programs are a perfect mix of classroom and non classroom activities' says an analyst based out of Tora Bora caves. He adds 'The nearby Indian army camps serve as a laboratory where students translate their theory into practicals'

Needless to say, entry into these institutes is not a joke. Every year, erudite faculty screens thousands of applications to identify the best from the rest. The best then undergo a series of psychological tests designed to spot even the minutest evidence of pity, sympathy, love, affection and humanity. Any of these dangerous symptoms, if found, lead to immediate termination. The leftover of the lot is recruited to be trained and elevated above the simulated reality of civilization, into the matrix of unholy war. 

Unholy war is very easy to understand. It means head off the harmful and harm the harmless which include unarmed men, women, senior citizens, kids, house flies and mosquitoes. It is also one of the largest, and Day 0, employer at IIT campuses across the valley. Students vie for its plum packages, exotic locations (Mumbai, New York, London) and elect job profiles comprising of hijacking, bombing self (in planes / buildings), bombing non self (in trains / marketplaces) and mass murdering (in metro stations / hangout joints). 

The only challenge faced by these institutions is the fast depleting base of their Alumni. Their average lifespan post graduation is estimated to be less than 5 years. Nevertheless, the founders are completely unfazed. They say 'Our institutions are heavily funded by Poverty, Unemployment and Illiteracy. Since there is little which the world leaders are doing to eradicate them, we shall soon outnumber all those breathing in this world to make it a better place for themselves and others.'